Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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