Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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