my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
