TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
