if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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