my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
