I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
