you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
