My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
