Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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