the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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