awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
