Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Dicks are not precious.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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