just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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