I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
