Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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