We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I checked into jail on foursquare
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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