now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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