I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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