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Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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