I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
