take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
