she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
