I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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