I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize