the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize