I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Panties = found
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
