When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
