I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize