what if every blade of grass was a penis?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
