I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
