There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
