i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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