im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
