She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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