omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
