Non-Jews are for practice
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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