Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
