It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
