she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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