You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
