How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
