He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize