I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
