What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
