My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
