Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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