Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
