omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
