i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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