everyone is single if you try hard enough
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize