if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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