Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize