btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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