As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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