saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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