Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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