I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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