Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
