he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
