the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He felt like a one man threesome
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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