the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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