Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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