Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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