some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
is that a dick in a sweater?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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