he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
