I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
