we have pet lesbian snakes
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
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