Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
