how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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