im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
