I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
