She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
