I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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