Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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